What if the worst didn't happen....but I was ready anyway?

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about contingency plans.

Not because something bad has happened, but because I'm finally facing the truth that something could. And that's bloody terrifying.

Redundancy might be on the horizon...Or maybe it won't be.

But the thought alone is enough to stir up the kind of panic that lives quietly under the surface for me. Because for the most part, I am doing this thing called life by myself.

The thought that keeps running around my mind is what would I do if everything changed?

The truth is, this isn't easy.

It's definitely my 'hold-your-nose-and-dive-in kind of moment'. This uncomfortable point where I have t to take responsibility for things I'd rather pretend weren't mine to carry.

So, today is the day... I have decided that instead of staying in a place of fear,

I'm trying something else.

I'm making a plan.

Not just because I want to get through something, but I just want to stop holding my breath.

I want to move from a situation where I might be 'getting by'.. to a place where I can...

explore

breathe...

I want to make space to try something I wouldn't have dared to consider if everything had stayed safe and predictable.

Here's the truth I'm finally reckoning with: 

This is my life. My choices. My consequences.

So I've booked a meeting with a financial advisor that my friend Katie recommended. Not because I'm panicking (okay, maybe a little), but because I'm ready to ask better questions.

Not "what will I do if I lose my job?" but "what do I need to do to get me to a point where I might be able to open the door to something new?"

I think that there's something powerful about preparing for the "what ifs" not as disasters, but as doorways.

So, I think I need a reframe.

Planning isn't a sign that something's wrong.

I think it could be a good sign that I am ready to take some risks..Even if your hands are shaking.