Maybe “delusional” isn’t such a bad thing after all....

You know when Spotify’s doing its random shuffle thing and it serves you up something unexpected. But at the same time, it is like weirdly perfect.

Well, that happened the other day.

I was walking home from work, brain half-fried from too many bloody meetings, and suddenly, Marry You by Bruno Mars comes on.

And I smiled.

Like, really smiled.

Because that song always reminds me of my friend Zaid.

When he proposed to his now-wife, he heard this track and thought: this is sweet… maybe we could get this guy to perform at the wedding?

We were young, but this is the level of  romantic that I just love!

So he goes off to do a bit of research, just to see how much it might cost to book this cute little artist “Bruno Mars”.

I remember him telling the story and I was thinking like, come on Zaid, you didn't know who Bruno Mars was??!?!!?

He genuinely thought he was some low-key singer-songwriter. I am imagining, that he had this vision that this was some guy with a guitar who plays in pubs in Brixton.

Like, maybe you could get him for a few hundred quid and a hot meal.

Spoiler: Mr Bruno costs a lot more than that!!

It is one of my favourite Zaid stories, I still laugh about it to myself when I think about it.

But you know what stayed with me (more than the laughter and how cute this was).

It was the thinking behind it. That sweet, pure, slightly unhinged logic of “well, why not?”

It was, in a word, delusional.

But in the best kinda way.

And it got me thinking. When did we (and when I say we, I mean me) stop letting ourselves be a bit delusional?

When I was a kid, like most kids, I was told: you can do anything you set your mind to. 

But that message got rewritten somewhere between the school assemblies and singing 'shine Jesus shine' and the student loan debt.

Now, it’s more like: you can do anything you set your mind to, as long as it’s realistic, budgeted, preferably in line with your current job title, and not too embarrassing to put on LinkedIn.

I’ve started to notice as I write this blog how often I fall into the trap of making things smaller before I even try.

Always thinking about how I can keep my dreams tidy, manageable, vaguely aligned to what I already do.

Even the way I answered Ritchie’s question when I was in New Zealand “Who are you outside of work?”.

God, it was so painfully neat. Like I was auditioning to be someone’s best friend in a BBC drama.

And maybe that’s the point.

Maybe the more interesting version of that answer is messy.

Slightly unhinged.

A bit unrealistic.

Less “I run a book club” and a bit more “I sing as part of a jazz band in Basildon', whilst attempting to write a novel.

So here was my thought as I was walking home: maybe we need a new word for delusional.

A word that doesn’t carry the judgement.

A word that holds space for dreaming big without shame.

That lets us imagine booking Bruno Mars or writing the book.

Because honestly, that’s where the fun is.

And I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that I don’t want the life that fits neatly. I want the one that feels just a bit too big, a bit too bold, and just a bit too much!

One that makes no sense.

One I am not quite qualified for....Yet.

So I am thinking I want to be a little bit more delusional.

The good kind.

The kind that dreams past the neat answers and politely declines to stay in its lane.

The kind that books Bruno Mars for the wedding (or at least tries to).